When you know nothing but life on the rez, all you see is darkness every day.  When I was four years old, my mom and dad separated.  I got left with my dad…which was hard because I had a strong connection with my mom.  Not long after that, I got sexually molested by one of my cousins.  After these two events happened, I closed myself off from my friends and all my family.  It made me want to be alone inside for years.

When I was nine, I experienced the first death in the family and it didn’t stop.  I’ve had an average of at least one family member or a friend die per year and it never gets easy.

When I was fourteen, my grandma that raised me passed from this world, and a real close friend of mine got killed.  I felt like I had nothing in this world, so I wanted to end it.  I broke into my dad’s room, loaded his rifle and I put it under my head.  I had my thumb on the trigger, and was ready to pull it.  But something inside me kept telling me “This ain’t the way.”  I listened to that voice.  I didn’t know what it was, but it was telling me, “This ain’t the way.”

About a year later, I got introduced to one of my friend’s friends, and he invited me to church.  That was my first introduction to Jesus, but what I heard that day wasn’t what I heard growing up; hearing that He’s a white man’s God and all He wants to do is control our lives.  I heard a message of love and hope.  From that day on I started to hold that hope; hold that love inside because it showed me that “Yes, even though I grew up on the rez, there was something better out there.”

There’s something better for you, and God’s trying to reach out to you.  He’s saying to you, “You’re my son.  You’re my daughter.  I love you.  I died on this cross for you.  I took every punishment for you.  I know what you’re going through and it hurts Me as much as it hurts you.”  All He asks is for your love.    

I’ve lost a lot of family members and experienced a lot of pain, but I’m able to wake up every morning with hope and joy in my heart because I know He’s there for me.  I know He’ll walk through the valley with me, and I know He’ll be there for you.

I was quiet and stand-offish, but Jesus is helping me come out of that shell and lose that shyness.  It’s helping me to reach those who are quiet; those who stand away from the crowd; those who really feel like there’s no hope.  I thank God that He continues to give me joy again.